Sunny Beach - First few days.

I don't have access to facebook yet but I will soon.

Only pictures this time.

The end of my supreme domination as the towns partyguru.

I hosted a farewell party this friday seeing as I will leave Sweden for God knows how long. It was the last party in my old flat and we sure made it count.

The kitchen got thrown out on the backside of the building including several doors and other stuff. At one point I relaised that my bathroom door was gone. Filthy swine, I thought. How are the fair ladies gonna use the bathroom if there's no door? So I went out back only to find my neighbours standing outside smoking. They asked me if I had a party. I obviously said yes. So what are you doing out here? Well I just came out to pick up the bathroom door. So I picked it up and re-attached it to the bathroom. I am super!

Someone brought a spray can along and sprayed "Fuck the Hyresvärd" (Hyresvärd=Landlord) in every room and on the outside of my flat door. Pretty much everything was demolished but ut was all for the better.

The day after the landlord arrived with 2 police officers and they took photos of my former kitchen on the backside. I charmed the police officers while i was taunting my landlord so it all worked out very good. I told my landlord that he should've been here yesterdaym he'd never partied that hard. "I don't wanna socialize with people like you!" Fuck him then.

Now it's only 35 minutes till I get picked up and getting a ride to the train. Next stop Sunny Beach!

See ya there.

I have a feelin' that tonight's gonna be a good night (unless the po-po interfere)

My last party before I head of to Sunny Beach.

I did a facebook event and invited around 800 persons. 50 persons have confirmed their attendance, 80 might come and some others that doesn't use facebook too often have phoned me up and told me they will come. My flat is a 2 rooms and a kitchen big consisting of 57sqm.

We'll see how this will end up I guess. I am expecting the fat one at any minute now, he likes to start drinking early´.

If I and my computer still are alive tomorrow I will update you.

/Hoff

The creative mind.

I can't stand people that diss others because they enjoy being under the influence. I am not an alcoholic, I just like getting wasted once or twice every week because when you're drunk your brain works in mysterious ways. Personally I've never been a big fan of drugs. I don't mind people doing drugs unless they come across as your normal hobo junkie. As long as they keep it to themselves. Not saying that alcohol is better than any other kind of drug, but in the majority of countries alcohol is the legal drug of use. if you go deeper down the slope it seems like you have to crawl down under a rock to consume whatever drug you choose to use. Crawling under a rock is bad, because you get trapped in a community that consist of people doing drugs, maybe heavier stuffthat you end up getting addicted too. Drinking alcohol is very different though, alcohol is a very social drug that can be consumed in public places.

Anyways to everyone that like to call people that are under the influience childish, let me tell you this.

Some of the greatest music of our time was written by people under the influence.
The greatest journalism of our time was being made by people under the influence.
Some of the best books of our time was written by people under the influence.
Do you honestly think Boney M would dance like he did if he wasn't sky high on cocaine? Gimme a break...
I can go on and on and on.

If it wasn't for people that enjoyed getting wasted we wouldn't be where we are today.
The truth is that when you are unde the influence you explore parts of your mind you never even know existed - you think outside of the box. I think the ones calling us childish are the ones that fear exploring those parts of the mind.

Be creative.

Btw, I think I touched a pair of the most amazing tits I've ever seen the other day. Soon I'll be able to write my book - Men vs Breasts

/Hoff

3 days of summer.

Been great weather here in southern Sweden the past couple of days.

Spent all day thursday steering up beer(type of)baseball. We ended up with around 20-30 persons hanging out and having a great time, only 12 of us played though. God, I shouldn't have played.. I almost died from all the running.

Friday evening turned out to be great, My friend hosted a party in her new flat and I brought the music with me. Started out a bit meh but once people got drunk everything fell into place. The party went on till about 5 or 6 in the morning. Went to an after party after that...


Saturday and i was a broken man, went down to my mothers place and got myself a tan. I invited some friends over and we had a BBQ. I decided to have a calm evening but I'm easily persuaded. A beautiful girl I used to hit on called me up and wanted to have a few drinks. It's on I thought! So I got over to where the party was and the party itself was rather dull but I had my eyes on other things.

1 week and 2 days till I leave. Can't wait.

/Hoff

2 weeks to go!

Thankfully I recently sold my virtual currency so I acquired another stash of well needed cash. Unplanned weekend up a head but if I don't end up drunk you may refer to me by the name of Betty!

Big party coming up the 28th of may, last weekend I am home. We are literally gonna demolish my apartment before I leave. Good stuff. If you are nearby be sure to check in.

/Hoff

Hunter S Thompson.

And that, I think, was the handle - that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of old and evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn't need that. Our energy would simply prevail. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Helsingborg and look west, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark - that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.


Quoting him, but changing the location and it fits into my life really well.

Without a doubt the most interesting man that ever lived.

/Hoff

Breakfast.

My head felt several sizes too large when i woke up this morning, infront of me was a plate with some yellow goo on. I thought to myself - wonder what I cooked up last night, looks bernaise sauce.
In a split second I realised that the yellow goo did not belong to a dish instead it was obviously throwups. Glad I didn't taste it before I relaised what it was. I had a good aim though as it only covered the plate. If it had been a contest I would've taken home the gold!

2,5 weeks before the plane departs for Bulgaria the airport in Denmark. I hate Denmark, it's populated by the weirdest people and has the most foul language I've ever heard. Giving me chills even though I'm just passing through - into the heart of Denmark. Well that's where I should strike if I want to beat those swine. Then again, I'd rather just catch my flight and forget about stupid Danes.

/Hoff

Less than 3 weeks to go.

Time is closing in and I have almost sold off everything I don't need. Except my virtual currency so to say. I gave my landlord an ultimatum saying that if he ever wants to get rid of me this is his chance. I will leave the apartment at the end of May without any period of notice. Needless to say, he accepted my offer.

Tonight i am heading over to an old friends place, not seen him in a long time and he had a boy half a year ago or so. So the evening is gonna be packed with beer and hopefully lots of meat. Dunno if I am going out on the piss later or not. Time will tell.

Until next time, have a good one.

/Hoff

Busy busy!

I am busy trying to sell some stuff that I don't use and won't need so I have some pocketchange when I head down to Bulgaria. Not that I need the money but it's always good incase something happens.

On staurday morning I am off to Puma Warehouse. They have a big sale and I have a ticket for it!

It's getting close now. Can't wait till the second of June.

Bulgaria.

I am starting a job in Bulgaria 2nd of June and i will work till late september. I will revive this blog when I get down so all my friends can follow me down there. hopefully there's a wireless broadband connection at the Hotel.

Anyways, the deal is. I am gonna work as a bartender at Kung i Baren in Sunny Beach.
now you're all thinking: What use is that gonna be? He is gonna drink for more than he earns.

the answer to that question is that the job comes with a bed, free food and unlimited free drinks at various nightclubs in Sunny Beach so there won't be a problem.

Laters.

/Hoff

Hoff - The Master Engineer.

So I was going to talk about breasts in this post. However, I think I need to go deeper on the subject and experience it some more before I can thruthfully cover the entire subject as it is a rather large one.

Seeing as I am unemployed I have all the time in the world to do whatever I want (if I had the money to pay for it). Lately I've been working a lot with my creative part of the brain. And I managed to invent what might be the best invention since the wheel!

My invention is called... Behold!

The state-of-the-art Laserpro Backshaver!



This invention is made for us hairy alpha-male creatures with backs wider than Arnold Schwarzenegger.

If you are ashamed of your back hair, this invention can also be tucked away in the most convenient places such as in a drawer or my personal favourite place.



In the wardrobe!

I am planning to ship this invention out to anyone that wants it, The price is 60€ excluding delivery.

Just leave a message on here if you are interested.

Now I am off to a weekend filled with alcohol.

/Hoff

I desperately need to lose about 20 kilos.

Well let's go through the evolution of the Hoff.




That's me, 8 years ago before I started drinking like the town drunk. Look at me, I am a hunk. I got laid 5 times every weekend without even trying. John Travolta lips, a very marked face etc. I even had hair like Fabio back then!

So I evolve.



About 3-4 years ago perhaps. I was still quite fit but started gaining weight. Not for the worse though since it was mostly muscle considering what I did for a living. The hair is growing a lot thinner and I look bloated.

The evolution goes on.




This is me, last summer in Sunny Beach, Bulgaria. Swollen like I am about to explode, slightly overweight and not much hair under the cap. Still got the charm to convince most women to jump in the sack with me if I put my mind too it.

Onwards!




Last weekend when I fried sausages. I've lost some weight since last summer but I still have a long journey to go to my goal. I apreciate that I can't do anything about the hair loss and I am quite fine without my hair. As you can see I am wearing my cap most of the time :)

Don't worry though, I still get laid on a regular basis, sadly I can't pick the girls like I used to be able too. And i can't be the deviant fiend I used to be either. That's all about to change though.

Sooner or later I am gonna have a weight-loss section on the blog so you can see if I achieve or not!


Tomorrow I will talk about my thoughts about female breasts, it's a mystery to all men.


/Hoff

Googly, googly, googly begone!

I am not the usual swine that spill drinks and beer all over a party but it did happen last weekend. I was cleaning up my mess though and instead of having to run to the kitchen everytime to squeeze the filthy soaked rag in the sink I squeezed it in the glass I just tipped over. Worked good for me and everyone else until I asked the group of people if they wanted to taste my drink. A girl that hadn't paid much attention wanted to. There you go girl! I hope it tasted well!

This very same girl was rather slutty and at the end of the party she started ripping her pantyhose to shreds. She came over to the kitchen while I was frying sausages and pulled out a thread from under her skirt and told me to rip it. Being the deviate fiend that I am I was game. So I pulled the thread and it didn't wanna move, she bent over like she wanted it from behind and I pulled the thread with some kind of He-man like kind of strength. She then says.

-That was my panties.

Oh God, I better get back to the sausages I thought, this can get ugly.

/Hoff

Retards and Roughnecks.

Lots of things have happened since last time. Landlord issues that I couldn't give a fuck about, Drunken mischiefs with "The Fat One" Drunken escapades on my own. Been reading more woks of Dr. Hunter S Thompson, and I am totally convinced that if I could resurrect one person and have a long winding discussion with him it would our very own Doctor.

I did watch a movie that was rather interesting called Zeitgeist. The movie was about conspiracy theories and how the Central Banks in America controls the cash flow etc. Saying that, you should always take these movies with a pinch of salt since they are pretty much angled towards the worse. Still very interesting however.

I hosted a party last weekend and invited way too many guests (as usual). However it was a great party but I didn't end up in any odd situations like I usually do since I did actually carry it on my shoulders to supervise what was going on, and ofcourse some rotten douchebags has to turn up and make a mess out of things. I sorted that and the party went on untill 5 or 6 in the morning. Seeing as the apartment is to be reconstructed people were allowed to write whatever they wanted on the walls. Some funny texts on there I have to admit.

For the record, I have shaved today. I looked like Bud Spencer for better and worse. Bud Spencer is a tough guy and all that so I guess it was ok. To hell with it though, it was too much in the way!

Looks like I might get a job soon, we can only hope. Got fuck all money these days, sooner or later I will have to sell my arse on the highway. If I don't get a job I might just piss off and follow my nose into the blue horizon. Pretty bored of this crap at the moment. There is still snow all over the roads here and it's dead annoying.

The other day I even dreamt that I won 7500$ and that the snow was gone. Guess if I felt rotten when I woke up and realised none of it was true.

Anyways, gotta shoot. Off to a party.

Speak to ya tomorrow.

Dickheads.


/The Hoff

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

You can't invent someone like The Hoff. He is... he is one of a kind. He is a mutant. A real heavyweight water buffalo type... who can chew his way through a concrete wall and spit out the other side covered with lime and chalk and look good in doing it.


I know I have been major slack, I have been busy doing various things such as reading books, attending parties and playing games. Expect huge updates tomorrow and sunday.


/Hoff